Text Box: French president promises steam-powered balloons crewed by monkeys “in our lifetime”

Text Box: In what experts are calling a groundbreaking speech in the field of steam-powered balloons crewed by monkeys, the French president promised yesterday a fleet of steam-powered balloons crewed by monkeys “in our lifetime”.             Dressed as a shepherdess and speaking only in French, he outlined to a hushed National Assembly his bold plans for a fifty strong fleet of steam- Text Box: powered balloons crewed by monkeys.             “Let me make this quite clear” he said. “I’m talking about steam-powered balloons. Crewed by monkeys”.             Shouting at times to make himself heard over the sound of chickens, he went on to explain that France had fallen dangerously behind other countries in steam-powered balloons crewed by monkeys technology. Text Box:             “France” he said “lies exposed to imminent assault by enemy steam-powered balloons crewed by monkeys. An enemy who does not share our love of cheese”.             Although it will take a lifetime to build a fleet of fifty steam-powered balloons, the president said the uniforms for the monkeys should be ready in about a week’s time.                           Text Box: The 14th of August has been announced as the next Grand Dispersal of the Papier-Mache Headed Men. The announcement was made in the Hall of Shouting and Jumping in Helsinki. Dressed in the traditional cloak and big hat, the Chief of the Papier-Mache Headed Men pointed his sword at the Text Box: Europe awaits Grand Dispersal of Papier-Mache Headed Men   Text Box: map of Europe which this year had been knitted by schoolchildren from Alloa.             Following rituals that date back to the days when kites lifted ponies into the sky, he brought the point to rest on Budapest, this year’s host city.             Many experts have interpreted the choice of Budapest as an Text Box: attempt to appease the modernizers within the Papier-Mache Headed Men.             With its network of radio controlled midget truck drivers, Budapest can be expected to bring a twenty first century “feel” to this ancient institution.

Text Box: Split in ranks of dead Nazis is imminent   Text Box: As days turn to minutes, and minutes into seconds, it appears all but inevitable that the world of dead Nazis is about to be split irrevocably in two.             Barring a last minute deal, the dead Albert Speer, Reichkommisar for Buildings and Toys, will lead his breakaway group out of the party’s rally held, once again, in Scarborough.              At the heart of the dispute is a fundamental disagreement on the future of dead Nazis in the twenty first century. Interviewed last week on Blue Peter, a popular children’s show on British television, the dead Albert Speer said “It’s the kids we’ve got to think of. In the words of Marvin Gaye “What’s Goin’ On?””(a reference to that singer’s hit song of the 1970s). Text Box: Instead of rallies, torchlight parades and uniforms, he went on to say, dead Nazis of the new millennium should be embracing hip hop culture, skateboarding and the music of Eminem. Needless to say this view is rejected by the dead Josef Goebbels, Reichkommisar for Propaganda and Bouncy Castles. “If you take away the uniforms, the book burnings, the indiscriminate slaughter of civilians and the classification of social, cultural and religious groups as sub-human, then what have you got? A bunch of tossers with really shit haircuts, that’s what.”       According to Professor Sarah Blazing Inferno, an expert in blurring, the dispute between the two wings of the dead Nazis has its roots in the 1980s. Speaking like a big girl, she said “Having been to Text Box: a Matt Bianco gig in 1982, the dead Albert Speer saw fascism evolving into a youth based cultural movement centered round catchy melodies and toe-tapping tunes.” Contacted at his waterfront home in Ardrossan, the dead Josef Goebbels said “I’ve had a word with the dead Fuhrer and let me tell you, the guv’nor aint happy.” With the deadline looming, the dead Albert Speer is likewise in no mood for compromise. Dressed in baggy shorts and wearing a baseball cap he said “Dey don’t sho’ me no respect mon. I’m gonna’ put some caps up their asses and fix their muthafuggin mouths once ‘n’ f’all. Ya dig?”     Text Box: Special Interest Articles:  •  French president promises steam powered balloons crewed by monkeys dream to become reality.  •  Dead Nazis on point of splitting for good.     Text Box: Una vida sin queso es una vida sin burros Spanish proverb A life without cheese is a life without donkeys.

Text Box: of Europe; Have Less Babies” we felt we needed to get back to our core message, which is “Women of Europe; Have More Babies””. Text Box: Europe: Have More Babies”.                        Speaking in the language of fishes, the association’s president Maria Meattanker said “Following last year’s loss of focus that resulted from our slogan “Women Text Box: The Association for Encouraging European Women to Have More Babies has decided on its campaign slogan for 2005. From the first of January billboards across Europe will carry the slogan “Women of Text Box: World News